In less than two weeks, I will accomplish a life-long goal: graduation.  I have studied until I thought my eyeballs would fall out and have given so many presentations that PowerPoint is now second nature. 

I have the shuttle service down to a “T,” know the best way to refute parking tickets and know the best places on campus to steal a nap during the day.  I know which bathrooms are the cleanest and which on-campus restaurant serves the tastiest coffee. 

Yes, I finally have UTSA all figured out – just in time to graduate. When I finally cross the stage, I will graduate with not only knowledge of my selected major, but also of UTSA survival tactics.

However, the moment I am handed my diploma on stage will be bittersweet.  It has taken me years to figure out the intricate tricks to manipulating this bureaucratic regime.  So, I thought for my final commentary I would save those of you not graduating the time of having to discover these secrets for yourself. 

Here we go. 

Become best friends with the advisors for your major.  They are responsible for your degree plan.  They understand the ambiguous guidelines of the class schedules and can offer helpful suggestions that can save you money and help you graduate sooner. 

Advisors have the power, believe me. But don’t forget the print-out of your degree plan. They really frown on that.

Bring a jacket to class with you, even when it’s 110 degrees outside.  For some reason, the powers-that-be at UTSA crank up the A/C to minus 10 when the sun comes out. 

Check your financial aid status often.  Sometimes there is leftover grant money to be had, but you have to ask.

Buy your books from other students; likewise, sell your books to other students.  Skip the bookstores altogether.

Go to the fourth floor of the Biosciences and Engineering building and look down over the edge.  The design on the floor is super cool.  Try to decipher the meaning.

If you’re wondering which majors make the most money, compare and contrast the offices of the professors. 

I’ll give you one guess as to which major’s professors have windows with a view and leather in their offices, contrasted with those who share one computer among the three other colleagues they are crammed into their offices with.

Take earplugs with you into the computer labs and the library.  Magically, they erase annoying noises like Beyonce’s ring tones and bodily function sounds from “that” guy.  Oh, and don’t be “that” guy.

As I graduate I can’t help but feel nostalgic for my soon-to-be alma mater.  Good luck to you, and remember to watch out for skunks in the field behind the Main Building.