He said

Asking how long it should take to get some is like asking how long until my date passes out: Neither answer comes soon enough.

But in all seriousness, I should cap this article with a disclaimer about the necessity for mutual consent during sex. Rape isn’t funny, even if it is with a clown.

So how long should a guy wait until he consensually and respectfully bangs someone like there’s no tomorrow?

You would think that the exact time would be different for everyone, that each person’s situation is like a unique sexual snowflake. And that is why you aren’t writing this article.

As doctors, scientists and your mother have stated, a male’s threshold for appropriate sexual activity is right when he decides he is capable of never having a sex life again.
Why?

Because copulation could lead to two things which, if ever accompanied by 20 of your best friends screaming “surprise” and “happy birthday,” would cause you to disown your testes. Those two things are children and sexually transmitted infections (an STI for those of you who don’t get out much).

Children lead to the end of your sex life forever. Ask your parents. If they tell you I’m lying, it’s because they don’t want you to know you ruined their marriage.
Also known as the gift that keeps on giving, STIs like Syphillis can end your sex life by ending your actual life. Surprise!

But there are exceptions to every rule.

“I started when I was 13, when I was ready and able to lie to someone’s face and purchase gifts,” said sex god and senior English major Marco Gamboa.

Now, as much as I condone Gamboa’s ambition, there are prudish readers out there who might not want to overleap the roadblocks of progeny and diseases for the throes of sexual delight.

For these chaste lovers, I give you the following excuse to cling to your virginity: if you take pride in having your meat meet a gorgeous babe five minutes after you met him or her, you probably haven’t captured his or her heart, let alone caught his or her name (but you probably caught something else).

Also, you might come across the paradoxical situation where your partner claims he or she wants children but isn’t ready for intercourse. As a man, you need to nod your head and accept that this person is violating elementary logic and needs to be dumped.

“In reality, women want sex to begin in a relationship just as soon as men do,” said senior education major and girl Valerie Rodriguez.

So the next time you’re hesitating at the corner of Third Base Lane and Rim Road, question whether you want quintuplets with congenital syphilis. If you still want to get it on, you shouldn’t be worried whether it’s the right time: you should be institutionalized.

She said

Sex is a complicated issue. Choosing when to have sex is even more complicated. Usually when a girl first thinks about having sex, she envisions a handsome prince, rose petals on the bed and romantic music in the background.

Sex is analyzed, over– analyzed and then thought over once again by girls. Girls usually spend an ample amount of time thinking about the right time. Sometimes, sex can be seen as common as going out for a cup of coffee. Is there a pre-established time frame for when to involve sex? Is it five minutes, a day, a week, six months, two years, never? The answer varies with different girls.

Some girls will choose to establish a friendship with the guy first. Gagan Dhot, freshman psychology major said, “You should try to get to know the guy and establish some sort of friendship before doing anything.” She adds, “Sex complicates everything.” The second you add sex into a relationship, the whole situation changes.

Other girls will focus on developing a mutual comfort between their partners and themselves. Undeclared freshman major Amanda Abundis said, “You should wait until you and your partner are both equally comfortable with each other and trust each other.”

Girls depend on making the right choice as to when they want to incorporate sex. If they choose the wrong time, then the guy might feel satisfied and move on to the next girl.
Even when a girl chooses  to engage in casual sex, she might  fear being labeled easy.

Yet, there are those girls that love sex and are not afraid to show it. For those girls, the right time for sex can mean anything from the right conversation to the right bump–n– grind song.

Finally, we come upon the elusive. Choosing to remain celibate is tough especially in today’s sexually saturated. In college, the influence of alcohol, numerous perspective males and peer pressure may  cause virgins to feel forced to have sex. This label does not necessarily mean that the virgins are completely innocent.

Maybe some virgins compensate for the lack of sex with other means. Either way, they usually spend the most time considering the right time to involve sex. The first time is considered the most important time.

Girls must decide when they want to include sex in their life and they must be aware of the consequences of their actions. If a girl does not feel comfortable with a guy then adding sex to the equation is pointless.