He said

Even broaching this topic is going to get me in trouble with my girlfriend, so I’ll start with the safe ground: engaged or married people.

For this group, cheating is everything you do when your partner isn’t around. If you think you’ve established a mutual trust so deep that you wouldn’t feel an ounce of jealousy at finding your partner waltzing into a strip club waving fifty dollar bills, you are full of something. Something you can flush. I’ll call it “noble aloofness.”

In reality, the moment you observe your partner even yawn near a potential rival, your noble aloofness erupts into a troop of 70 vicious, accusation-flinging baboons. However, before the onslaught, you’ll first ensnare your partner in an innocent “honey, can I talk to you for a few minutes?”

By “talk to,” you mean “let baboons devour.”

“The intent of cheating shouldn’t be a factor in the morality of cheating; the words ‘we need to talk’ disrupts the harmony of a relationship,” senior English major Will Sharp, said.

For the second group, those who profess to be “dating” or “seeing” a boy- or girl-friend, cheating becomes less of a line in the sand and more of a continuum of how close you were to those naked people wrestling in mud at the party last night.

To illustrate my point, watch how your future fiancée dresses when they come to campus. If your partner is anything like the rest of UTSA, they will be wearing sunglasses, even if they going to 9 p.m. classes. If you don’t understand why, let me just say that your partner is not concerned with preserving their eyesight.

"Ok, let's face it. Only 1.8 percent of men under age 35 have cataracts and actually require sunglasses. As for the rest of us… we just need a way to check you out and look good while doing it," said Ross medical student and UTSA alumnus Nishaal Antony.

But is groping someone with only your eyes cheating?
Yes and no.

Think of it this way: a relationship is like caring for a baby while Megan Fox is swimming naked next door. You can probably get away with looking out the window for a minute, but, in the end, you either commit to caring for the kid or give it away. (Or you can be a total bastard and have another one in a different state.)

Thus, if you’re constantly pitching tents in class and your class isn’t Wilderness Survival 1013, you might want to reconsider whether you want to continue toward the promise of everlasting love and easily provoked baboons.

“If you even kiss them, you may as well have had sex. I mean, you were probably thinking about it,” Junior music marketing major James Cameron said.

All the single people! All the single people!

In your lonely lives, you can only cheat at Solitaire and your diet plans. But for those of you who enjoy efficiency apartments, single-serving microwave dinners and drinking heavily during romantic comedies, the single lifestyle might be for you. Maybe you should consider the next category.

To all the swingers, polyamorous persons and other people who don’t need to wear sunglasses, I salute you. Your Christ-like shedding of covetousness requires an intense commitment to not making a commitment to anyone.

Of course, the majority of people who think they are swingers are really “dating” and are just looking for a way to justify their cheating. Quit lying to yourselves; you’re full of baboons just like the rest of us.
 

She said

 

The first stage in the relationship presents both sides with a large amount of freedom and endless possibilities. The guy is usually expected to pursue the girl and initiate the talking period. This period is very shaky and many opportunities to cheat arise. From  a girl’s perspective the chances of being cheated on are real and the fear is intense.

 At first, the girl knows deep down that her boy is not only talking to her, but rather to several girls. Yet most girls will try to convince themselves that they are the only one. Girls, this is not the case. If you are not the girlfriend then you are just a girl.

Some girls will develop a sense of “healthy paranoia” in which they forbid their guy to talk to any other girls. In some instances this is a good strategy; in others,  this will only lead to disaster. Other girls accept the fact that they are one in many and continue the “talking trial.”

Stage two of the problem is when the “talking trial” differentiates between being an open or closed relationship. Again the specific rules from our original problem come into play. In an open relationship both individuals are allowed to freely speak to other people without any horrific consequences. 

A closed relationship involves both individuals committing to just talking to each other without seeking attention from other individuals. 

Yet, in the majority of open and closed relationships, the guy usually seeks the attention of several females rather than sticking to one female. The girl on the other hand, dedicates herself to just one guy. As Joyce Fowler, freshmen physical therapy major said, “Girls are emotionally more mature and aren’t afraid to express their feelings to a guy.” Fowler also said that guys tend to sway away from developing feelings at an early start.

“The guy is more closed and physical about their relationship.  Therefore it is easier for him to cheat because that emotional bond isn’t there.”

After the “talking trial” ends and a closed relationship begins, the couple is one step closer to becoming a legitimate relationship.

In stage three, a genuine relationship is produced and cheating is not an accepted act. Lucy Gilmour, freshmen architecture major, said, “Cheating is never okay and it is a selfish act.”

People tend to cheat  because  they want to escape from a boring relationship or simply the lure of a new, interesting person. 

In the eyes of a woman, the relationship should never reach the point of cheating. If a guy becomes bored with his girlfriend then the respectable act would be to either ignite the spark again or merely break up.  

Melissa Hominick, freshman business major, urges guys to “have the decency to break out with their current girlfriend so [the girl] can go find someone else.”

Very few girls want for their relationship to die. Some girls will be devastated; and others and will  move on with their lives. A simple word of advice: Girls, don’t let one guy cheating on you ruin your life. Cheating happens and life goes on. Love is a risk and if you lose once, make sure to continue the journey.

The opinions in this article do not reflect the opinions that of The Paisano Staff, but rather the authors of he said, she said.